Category: Agrodolce Vita (Page 1 of 7)

yes, life is bittersweet

Weekend Notes 9/14-15/2024

September 15, 2024 / laura bruno lilly

‘Start with Now’ is a good umbrella catchall phrase which describes my on & off approach to feeding the blog with sporadic & unscheduled posts…That said, let’s jump right in!

I sorted through my ‘Goals for 2024’ to where I’m on-track with some, delinquent in others. I am basically pleased with achieving a tenuous balance incorporating prioritized focused attention on specific ‘goals’ with living life in its everydayness adding spicey bits of fun, delight and love as opportunities arise.
I set up a way to accrue points on time spent doing various aspects of specific items related to my primary music project goals and translated them into ‘reward time’. I call it the Ankara Reward because I’ve been itching to play around with the Ankara fabrics I’ve teamed up with Moda Grunge fabrics designated for a specific quilting project. Using this as a controlled ‘reward time’ helps when I’m in a slump and need motivation to keep going with my music, but mostly it prevents me from going down a rabbit hole of avoidance pulling me away from my primary focus.
I learned a valuable lesson while using the Ankara Reward as a motivator/break from my primary music project goals: delayed gratification of a reward earned results in diminished joy in reaching that ‘reward’ and makes it feel less significant as a motivator as I continue with the focused tasks.
- Instead of planning a time to redeem my ‘reward’, I decided to forge ahead reasoning that I was on a roll and would be happy to indulge my reward at a later date. The problem with that? I had no idea this would lessen the positive aspects of achieving the ‘reward’ plus deplete my drive to continue with tasks related to the goals they were attached to!
  - I learned that delayed gratification has a limit for its usefulness – kind of a weird example of the law of diminishing returns.
I renewed my driver’s license and bought my ‘Real ID’ star. What’s amazing is that my license photo came out uber well!
I found a recent photo of myself to crop and use in a professional application. What’s amazing is that it came out uber well!
- take a peek: I added it to my ‘About’ page just for fun
My birthday month is fast approaching. I love my birthday month. But this year I’ll be tipping over the 9’s into my next decade of life…and if I’m honest…The tipping point is kinda hard for me this time around.

Weekend Notes 2/17-18/2024

February 18, 2024 / laura bruno lilly

A few weeks ago, we took to the road to attend my Uncle Dennis’ funeral in Chicago. He was the youngest and last of the three brothers in my Dad’s family.

3 Brothers, 3 Uncles, 3 Dads

My Aunt Dolores, as the baby in the family, is now the sole surviving sibling. Most everyone is sitting at that Family Table up in heaven now…

Ma’s bd day, February 6^th, recently came and went and I’m missing all of you guys…

also find this here

“Ma, this is what I wanted to play for you the day before you passed away; I wanted you to be the first to hear it – finally finished and ready to record – I wanted you to know – to feel me there with you, to be a part of your leaving us. Me.
But I was too afraid…It’s taken me this long to understand why. Somehow deep inside I thought if I could play it for you, it would work its musical magic and you’d awaken – and be back with all of us. I couldn’t face you awakening somewhere else, someplace I couldn’t go along with you.”
me, 2008

Afterwards, on the way back home from Chicago somewhere in Kentucky, our 2003 Toyota Camry reached a milestone 444,444 miles. We’re getting closer to our return trip from the moon – it is now at 445,685, only 4,315 (at perigee) miles left to go!

My Saturday Project:

Baked up a batch of my “Laura’s Lovelies” – thusly named by Amy-next-door during a ‘circle’ block party (we lived on a cul-de-sac) in the old neighborhood ~ Lafayette, CO circa 1988.

My Sunday Project:

Eating above Saturday Project – with multiple cups of java of course! 🙂

MMXXiii – part one

December 29, 2023 / laura bruno lilly

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Proverbs 4:23

It’s been quite the year, hasn’t it?

Played against the backdrop loop of escalating violence, senseless shootings, climate catastrophes, wars, heartbreaking stories of real people – multitudes – changed forever due to man’s inhumanity towards man. It’s difficult to not get overwhelmed.

And yet.

I am:

Learning to accept
That all hungers cannot be fed,
That saving the world
May be a matter
Of sowing a seed
Not overturning a tyrant,
That we do what we can.
The moment of vision,
The seizure still makes
Its relentless demands:
Work, love, be silent.
Speak.
The house of gathering (poem excerpt) – May Sarton circa 1988

I’ve been quiet of late. Not by choice. I’ve sat numerous times at the keyboard or with pen in hand struggling to put into words all that is streaming within my mind and heart to no avail.

But now as 2023 nears completion, I find it easier to recount certain of those events and revelations which occurred during the past year rather than as they were occurring!

Part of my year’s journey included the above ‘revelation’ which clearly set me up for greater freedom in living my ‘everyday life’.

That said, I hope to compile a ‘part two’ followup post which will highlight some of those ‘events & revelations’…but then, maybe not! 🙂

XLV

June 17, 2023 / laura bruno lilly

1978-2023 (and counting!)

June 17th.
Our 45th wedding anniversary.

Over the course of a long love story, what was once a single ‘our song’ becomes a whole playlist of songs. Marking myriad events in the ups, downs; ebbs, flows; crushing sorrows, magnificent joys; everyday living out of our love & life in this world hand-in-hand and in His Hands.

Here then, is one such song released in August, 1983 and added at that same time to our playlist during a particularly defining event that occurred early on in our life path together.

The year was 1983.

We were renting the bottom unit in a quadplex in the heart of the Silicon Valley – San Jose, CA. Hubby pursuing the dream of working for the hottest tech company of the time, Hewlett Packard.

Me? Living life in the Bay area as a new stay-at-home-college-educated Mom of a one-year-old and precariously on track with our fourth pregnancy.

A seemingly viable one after a rocky reproductive history of 2 previous miscarriages: one around 15 weeks (twins) and later, an early ectopic pregnancy that spontaneously resolved itself. Nestled between those, our much wanted beloved daughter, Hava was born!

Over the course of this latest pregnancy at 5 months gestation, the increasingly troublesome eye blind-spot symptoms I was experiencing could no longer be ignored. At the end of my eye exam, the optometrist explained that he ‘could not be responsible for me’ and felt he couldn’t tell me his suspicions on the cause of my blind spots. (Yes, he was an odd duck) Instead, he promptly picked up the phone and scheduled an appointment for me with a neurologist colleague ASAP.

Thus began the whirlwind of expedient & lengthy testing.

Of course, the neurologist explained further concerns at the next day’s appointment. It appears my symptoms suggested two possible diagnoses:

1. Pituitary Gland Brain Tumor

or

2. Early stage MS

Neither a good choice or something to hope for. But we prayed for the best along with a miraculous intervention.

Apparently, Pituitary Gland Brain Tumors grow exponentially & rapidly if the patient is pregnant – hence the haste with which these medical professionals carried out their testing and treatment plans.

I underwent numerous tests that lasted hours over a two day period prior to an impending operation date within 10-14 days. It was assumed I had the tumor and several tests substantiated those assumptions.

Between sessions, I talked with my OB-GYN to make sure that the scheduled CAT scans (MRIs weren’t readily available at that time) wouldn’t hurt the new life growing inside me.

They wouldn’t.

Further, the doctor spent time patiently answering my flood of ‘what if’ and ‘what about’ questions – mostly focused on how to protect my unborn child from harm during possible brain surgery.

And you know what? My OB-GYN made a point of letting me know that prenatal care is as much for the care of the mother (me) as for the baby! He was there for me, too. Every step of the way.

A few days before the looming ‘possible’ brain surgery was to be performed, the latest CAT scans baffled the medical staff. The original tumor dot cluster seemingly disappeared!

But we knew it was our ‘miraculous intervention!’

Even the neurologist said it was unexplainable (often their way of acknowledging a miracle of sorts).

So they cancelled the immediate mandate to operate post haste.

That left us with diagnosis #2 … which at the time was only confirmed via a spinal tap. I asked if we could postpone that until after the baby was born and/or indefinitely and was told, “Yes”.

Relief. We’d deal with it later, if at all.

Now we could celebrate and enjoy getting ready for our new arrival.

Aside from periodic monitoring with a world renown Neuro-ophthalmologist* at Stanford, I ultimately ended up with a clean slate.

Sadly, I miscarried again**, this time at 6 months gestation.

But the Lord has been my (our) stronghold,
And my (our) God the rock of my (our) refuge.
Psalm 94:22 NASB

*there’s an hilarious story that goes with our visit with this doctor, but isn’t quite in line with the focus of this post – perhaps another time it will be told!

**for completion’s sake, we went through 4 more pregnancies, resulting in 2 more live births (middle daughter and youngest son) but losing 2 more babies at 12 weeks gestation each. In total, 9 babies, with 3 live births. All wanted. All beloved.

Peace Post: leaving your mark

April 28, 2023 / laura bruno lilly

Glory in leaving your mark — leaving your mark by Joseph Farley

Shortest Day, Longest Night

December 21, 2021 / laura bruno lilly

“The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” – John 1:5

These past few years I’ve been heavy on the ‘longest night’ part of reflecting upon life’s unfolding during the winter solstice. So herein I am pondering more of the ‘shortest day’ side of things.

I like sitting this side of the solstice – winter’s frozen heartbeat on the cusp of a new beginning. Almost but not quite on the other side of darkness.

Bright spots. Glimmers. Slanting, lingering glow-rays.

Those are the things any day can bring – and are especially darkness busting on The Shortest Day.

Offerings I grasp onto, hoping to not miss any scrap of sunshine put out there to encourage me along the way through.

This year’s ‘shortest day’ forced its way into my brain. Insisting I pause, recognize and think on the myriad kaleidoscope bright spots, glimmers and slanting glow-rays of MMXXI.

From getting vaxxed, which enabled something as simple as getting a haircut and grabbing my first coffee at the new shop in town, to meeting up with a quilter-blogger buddy for the first time face-to-face at her home (and fantastic quilting studio) in NC. Plus numerous road trips made to Michigan and Chicago…mostly for fun, family gatherings, but also one that included sharing the grief with family due to the passing of my Aunt Adua.

In many cases, what was interrupted by 2020’s COVID crisis began to re-start this year in different ways…for our son that meant ‘how to get engaged, married and go on a honeymoon’ during a Pandemic. The beginning of the Pandemic caught him and his girlfriend hiking the Patagonia wilderness – a miracle story in and of itself of how they even got back on American soil…They are now honeymooning in Thailand.

🙂

In conclusion (!), the following just seems to put ‘the shortest day’ and ‘the longest night’ into a sort of musical representation of what I’m trying to convey in this winter solstice pondering – give it a listen.

Late June, Early July: Hello!

July 6, 2021 / laura bruno lilly

Yep, I’m still here!

So, it’s been another ‘Colorado Day’. Meaning: a non-swampy South Carolina type of day. Sunshiny lower humidity with high temps…reminiscent of the Mile High weather I’m accustomed to. Inviting me to indulge in a modicum of activity like taking a walk around the block unencumbered by the normally oppressive atmospheric humidity.

It’s been this way since early Springtime.

Nice. However, to be fair, 39% humidity is considered thick humidity in the Colorado high country – but here? Sweet bliss.

The entire country is broiling and truth be told, our respite from high humidity is a concern.

We’ve had the occasional soaker rains. Which I so enjoy – as do the frogs!

🙂

But for the most part, the swamps are pining for the soupy wet summer days of old.

The summer, she is yet young.

Perhaps tomorrow?

Tadpoles by the side of the road after the rains

Pandemic Potpourri #6

April 20, 2021 / laura bruno lilly

It’s been awhile since I wrote one of these posts.

t’s been awhile since I’ve posted, period.

I’m tired. I’m worn out. I’m wasted. Yet, excited to be alive.

Sounds paradoxical.

Perhaps the title of this should be renamed, Pandemic Paradox #1.

Just sayin’…

Three weeks ago, while standing in line for over an hour to get my first vax jab, my line-mates and I rejoiced that we ‘got this far’ through the Pandemic. We even fist-bumped as we each left the 15 minute sit area afterwards. I felt like dancing a jig and until the first stirrings of side affects occurred, I did enjoy a bit of rambunctious behavior around the house!

Today marks the day I received my second vax jab. I was delightfully surprised to see one of my first jab line-mates round the corner into the 15 minute sit area after my second jab today. We ‘caught up’ and reconfirmed our thankfulness for having gotten ‘this far’ and not taking anything for granted.

It did my heart good.

As I left, we fist-bumped a final farewell…and took care to resist the urge to hug.

Mama’s got a new bag of beans!
I opened a new bag of beans today.
(for me that refers to the only beans worth opening – coffee)
They are potent.
As if I’d been imbibing decaf these past weeks rather than the real deal.
The beans know.
🙂

While our latest Family photo (shown below) was taken during a not-so-recent ZOOM Thanksgiving in 2020 we continue to stay close.

I am hopeful that we will gather face-to-face during Family Dinner some day, some how in the months to come.

I wish the same for you and those you hold dear.

Hope, I know, is a fighter and a screamer.
Mary Oliver

Bye, Bye, MMXX

January 1, 2021 / laura bruno lilly

It’s been a hard year.

To borrow the March proverb and apply it to our domestic and worldwide on-going state of affairs, I like to think that as 2021 ‘comes in like a lion’ it will ‘go out like a lamb.’

In the meantime –

I believe in kindness. Also in mischief. Also in singing, especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed.
Mary Oliver

This 2020 virtual choir video edition of How Can I Keep from Singing makes me feel less alone – its message, its virtual human presence. It seems just what the doctor ordered to usher in a dose of courage, strength and continued commitment to stay the course during these unrelenting times.

Being raised Catholic, and then doing the Jesus People street theatre scene in the 70s, my knowledge of purely Protestant Hymns is limited. Yet, here in the midst of a 21st century Pandemic, it took a Unitarian quilter blogger buddy to introduce me to this encouraging and joyful Hymn (thank-you, Zippy).

My life flows on in endless song above earth’s lamentation.
I hear the real, though far-off hymn that hails a new creation.
No storm can shake my inmost calm, while to that rock, I’m clinging. Since love prevails in heaven and earth,
How can I keep from singing?

– Keep singing –