Notice the byline on this post? Yes, the ‘USAID-funded researcher’ is none other than our middle daughter, Michelle. And yes, she is one whose voice was silenced on 1/20/2025. A few weeks ago, Michelle asked if she could share her perspective with my readers.
It was time.
(note: part 2 is the longest of this 3-part series – read time 12+ minutes)
PART 2: Chaos and Destruction
I worked at a non-governmental organization (NGO) that won contracts from USAID for a variety of international development and humanitarian assistance projects. I know from experience that Americans typically do not know much about international development and humanitarian assistance.
A frequent question I get is along the lines of, “what does that mean?”
People who do this type of work typically have a brief response. We don’t spend much time sharing what we do unless explicitly asked, mostly because we love our work but don’t really see the need to market our work.
We love it, and we believe in it, and for us, that is enough.
My response is typically something like, “I do research about education projects that the U.S. is funding in lesser developed countries.” I elaborate when asked for more details, giving an example of a recent project I worked on. But honestly, I rarely expect anyone else to be interested in my work since I know that our passions are deeply personal, and work is not always synonymous with passion.
My standard way to change the topic goes something like this:
“I think this is cool, but I’m also a nerd and can sometimes drone on about nerdy things like my latest research project. Tell me more about [insert the other person’s job here]. That sounds really interesting!”
That said, a bit of context is in order. Foreign assistance makes [made] up about 1% of the federal budget, and that 1% includes diplomacy. Development and humanitarian assistance (a.k.a. USAID) only account(ed) for about 0.6% of the federal budget in fiscal year (FY) 2023 (about 0.3% of the federal budget in FY 2024).
I am focusing on the percentage of the federal budget here because the raw dollar amounts are large: USAID’s budget in fiscal year (FY) 2024 was about $21.7 billion. However, important perspective is lost when the focus is on the dollar amount rather than the proportion to the whole. Consider that the US federal budget in FY 2024 was about $6.78 trillion.
Felix Houphouët-Boigny – first president, Côte d’Ivoire, 1960-1993
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr
Motivation for Peace Murals, Universite de Cocody, Abidjan
Given that people typically do not know this work exists, it might not be common knowledge that it was among the first (if not the first) industries targeted and destroyed by the new-at-the-time Administration’s “efficiency operations.”
I recall very clearly telling my best friend that I was in the cross-hairs because of the new “efficiency operations,” and she was honestly shocked. She told me that she had no idea that the work I did was related to any of the executive orders, and I share almost as many work stories and job-related details with her as I share with my husband.
Foreign assistance may have been among the first targeted by the Administration’s “efficiency operations” due to its relatively small budget, which lent itself to serving as a proof-of-concept. As a proof-of-concept, maybe the goal was to test whether the methods of the “efficiency team” to eliminate other federal agencies would be acceptable to the public.
With this theory in mind, let me tell you some of what happened, from an insider perspective. I am sharing some details here because I think again of my best friend. Every time I gave her an update, she was shocked. She told me that all she knew was what was being reported on the news, which was minimal. When I probed for details, I learned that the only thing she was hearing was that the “efficiency team” was conducting a 90-day review of USAID.
Please Note: and let me be VERY CLEAR about this, this explanation of “what happened” is ONLY MY PERSPECTIVE. I DO NOT SPEAK FOR ANYONE ELSE. I also caution, as a social scientist and qualitative researcher, this is subject to recall bias. *
Let me also be very clear that I do not know everything that happened. I can only share what I know, but I will offer a few resources at the end for those who want to learn more. I am also going to refrain from stating who is doing what. I may offer a few titles of people, but I’m not going to use names.
USAID Shutdown & Elimination of Services – Partial Timeline of events (2025)**
scroll down for interactive presentation
or
click here for pdf version
Piecing it Together
As I sat down to put the timeline of events in writing, I was struck with what the timeline shows and what it does not show. I see a rapid timeline, in which a 90-day review produced “results” within a few weeks instead of three months. I remember thinking at the time that everything was happening very fast, but I didn’t realize it was that fast until I made this timeline.
What is not easily conveyed in the timeline is the chaos. Yes, I mention the “roller coaster of terminations, re-approvals, partial terminations, and re-terminations,” and I share that we kept waiting for instructions on how to support the review. But the chaos was more than that.
Updates were coming in by the minute. At the NGO where I worked, we were sending messages to our colleagues and our leaders in Teams messenger, WhatsApp, and through “old fashioned” text messaging almost constantly to try to figure out what was happening and what we could actually do. Our internal communication channels were filled with links to every new update.
We wanted to know how we could spend our time at work if we could not work. What actions could we take to support the review and address misinformation? How could we be useful? How could we continue to collaborate with our international peers and serve those we wanted to serve while upholding our commitment to their protection and dignity?
Our biweekly staff meetings turned into weekly townhall meetings, and the NGO’s leadership team started sending email updates with FAQ sections. The main takeaway from the FAQ was that nobody knew anything. We wrote project justifications to explain how our projects supported the administration’s agenda, then we would hear that the terms used to explain the agenda had changed slightly.
We wrote and rewrote our justifications each time the administration clarified the agenda to make sure that we were addressing each new concern, but the agenda was never fully defined. “Make America stronger, safer, and more prosperous” was repeated, but we were never told exactly what that meant.
Instead, we would hear different snippets and talking points from the Secretary of State and try to glean exactly what that meant for us and our work as we wrote justifications that we would never get a chance to submit for consideration.
Our HR team gave us advice on updating our resumes and LinkedIn profiles. The leadership team told us that the company might survive the review but most likely our jobs would not. Our hours were cut, with an affiliated reduction in pay. I was lucky enough to work for a company that was transparent: I was given a week’s notice that I would be furloughed for 6 weeks, and I was told that I should expect to lose my job at the end of the furlough.
Not all of my peers were so lucky. Some started a random workday only to find that a new meeting with their boss had appeared on their calendar for 9:15 AM that same day, and they were let go with no advance notice.
During this period, a colleague told me a story about their experience out in the real world. While waiting in line at a coffee shop one day, they overheard someone in line say that all federal workers and contractors (which included all USAID-funded workers) deserved to lose their jobs because they were lazy paper pushers, grifting off hard-working taxpayers.
My partners in Lebanon, with whom I collaborated for a research project on the potential for tolerance education programming in the conflict-affected country, were reaching out to me on WhatsApp, sending me messages of hope and comfort. My colleagues in the DRC sent me messages of support on social media. I felt compelled to apologize in return, for the hateful message that our country was sending.
Some of my colleagues stopped sleeping. My body would not stop trembling from the adrenaline. My poor, patient husband held me while I wept, listened to me while I shouted, and watched helplessly while I stared off into space, trying to make sense of the chaos. It felt like we were fighting a battle but did not know the rules of engagement.
Termination Logic?
Early on in the shutdown process, many of us suspected that contracts were terminated based on a simple “control + F” key word search to identify “terminology non grata” within contract documents, such as “woman”, “girl”, “diverse”, “equity”, etc. Ecology projects focusing on biodiversity were canceled, investment literacy projects focusing on helping people build financial equity were canceled, and so on. This seems [seemed] to be the case for grants outside of foreign assistance, such as NSF and NIH. For foreign assistance, since more than 80% of contracts were canceled, it seems more likely that the intention was “control + A + delete” (select all and delete).
Communication Embargo
I had to be very careful how I navigated the stop work orders, because contact with people outside of my company was tricky. USAID staff had been given very clear orders from above to cease all communication, so I had to make sure that any contact with my USAID counterparts used language that would not be interpreted as counter to the orders. But I had to communicate with them, to make sure that things did indeed stop and that all involved parties had the appropriate documentation of the cessation.
I had to be very careful about my communication with non-USAID colleagues, too, for the same reason – any misinterpretation of my communication as hostile could have negative consequences for my colleagues and maybe even for myself. Additionally, people were very afraid of being FOIA-ed (Freedom of Information Act), or of their email being hacked by people who were part of the administration’s “efficiency operation” – again, due to fears of misinterpretation and retribution.
People were scared – speak out, be accused of treason.
There are now reports that indicate their fears were not entirely unfounded.
I was aware of my peers’ fear. I could speak out, but would I be putting them in danger of retribution, job loss, or worse? Will this blog post put my family on a watch list?
Do No Harm is foundational to my work and part of my core ethos, so I take this very seriously.
Make no mistake, we were being censored by the administration.
Loss of Transparency
While this was happening, all the publicly available data, all the publicly available resources, all the publicly available reports on every project ever conceived, disappeared from the public view. Data, research, information, spanning decades…all deleted.
Gone was the evidence that the “review” was not based on reality. Gone was the evidence that shows that the projects are not some evil force, pushing terrible ideologies, full of fraudulent charges and corrupt practices.
Primary school in rural Côte d’Ivoire – teaching communication skills
When the public can no longer access the data, reports, and information, those conducting the review are free to say anything. This deletion of data, research, results, etc., is happening across sectors and agencies beyond USAID. Health data – gone. Health research results – gone. Websites – gone.
The virtual “wall of receipts” made available by the administration’s “efficiency team” is supposed to provide hard evidence of fraud and provide hard evidence of cost savings (or “efficiencies”). It is littered with inaccuracies and it keeps changing. When this is called out, the answer provided is, “we will make mistakes.”
These mistakes are costing people their lives, costing Americans their jobs, and costing the American public a lot of money. Yet those making the mistakes are not being held accountable.
These mistakes are careless, with very real consequences to people’s very real lives, and with consequences to operations, institutional knowledge, security, quality, effectiveness, and even efficiency. All of which have been glossed over in the name of the “savings” that do not exist.
*I have sought to mitigate this bias by triangulating my recollection with other sources and providing links to additional resources for the reader to explore. However, given my primary identity as “human” writing mainly from memory, please forgive any accidental omissions or unintentional misrepresentations.
**At the time of this Part 2 blog post publication, USAID is officially closed. June 30, 2025, marked the agency’s final day. As of July 1, 2025, all remaining agency work was officially consolidated and moved under the U.S. Department of State.
Next – Part 3: Unresolved
Header photo: USAID presence in DRC with non-governmental organization (NGO) affiliate logo scrubbed for privacy reasons
Insert photo: Jungle Road in middle of Abidjan, Côte d’Ivoire
All photos: Michelle L. Solorio
For Non-Exhaustive List of Additional Reading click here
I am appalled that this happened but writing in this way about the experience adds to that. The deletion of data, research, the confusion. And all of those depending on really important projects. From the UK it looks crazy but I support groups in DRC and USAID funding has helped so much and accountable and well thought through. A great loss and am so sorry for yours too but thank you for speaking out.
There are definitely layers of loss tangled in this web. I know there are many other groups around the world doing similar work; I feel for those groups as they navigate the ripple effects of what is happening here, yet I am grateful they are finding ways to keep working. Thank you for what you do in the DRC and thank you for your support.
Nice to hear from a kindred spirit…Thank you for stopping by and expressing your understanding & support.
Michelle, thank you for this. It takes courage to speak out when every day we see in very real ways that it can have repercussions. The voices of people who saw first hand how the last seven months played out in real time are the truest historians now. We’ve lost the online resources but we still have you. Thank you both for publishing these pieces.
Laura, your comment is re-assuring. Thank you for taking the time to read this detailed post.
I like this perspective, being historians of this moment. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. Thank you, Laura.
I just wrote a long response that for some reason didn’t go through. It was just to thank you Michelle for writing about this and lamenting all that is happening in our country. And wishing you well. Hopefully this will go through.
Thank you for reading this and for taking the time to re-comment when the first didn’t go through. I appreciate how much you cared that you were willing to take that extra step.
Yeah, WP is doing it’s disconnect thing once again. 🙁 Thank you for persevering, Deborah.
Michelle, thank you for your courage and honesty. It sounds like it has been a brutal process for you, as well as the heartache of knowing how this decision will negatively impact so many people around the world.
The part that shocked me the most from your recount was that the public data has been wiped. Research, reports, results, even websites gone. It has such Orwellian tones, to eliminate anything that presents an unacceptable alternative.
As Marie says, a painful but necessary read. All the best to you and your colleagues.
I am still amazed by the removal of public data and frequently find myself wanting to refer to resources I know used to exist but are no longer available. At the advice of our colleagues in Brazil, my peers and I downloaded what we could before it was all gone, but it was an ad hoc effort. Some data may just be lost for good. Thank you for reading and your kindness.
Thanks for keeping tabs on my posts, Anne, during your blog-pause. Make no mistake, the scrubbing of data, etc is yet another form of ‘book burning’, just as grievous and a telltale sign of intent by those doing the scrubbing. (Hope to see some of you new (he)artistic creations soon!)
Thank you again for sharing!
You are welcome. Thank you for reading!
I appreciate what your daughter shared and it gives a voice to those who experienced from the trenches rather than just the news snippets most of us heard. How awful the impression that federal workers and contractors are lazy! There are many people who just base their opinions on what another person tells them without any facts or reality checking! Of course decisions were made on the governmental leadership level without facts or reality checking. Sending your daughter good thoughts as she deals with her grief of losing her important job and in essence part of her identity.
It is unfortunate the snap judgements that people make that are not grounded in reality or based on fact. This experience continues to be a good reminder for me to check my own judgements, too, so that I do not fall into the same trap. Thank you for your support!
Yes, the unspoken ‘grief of losing…in essence part of her identity’ is not to be overlooked. Thank you for that insight, Tierney.
Thank you Laura and Michelle. This writing/sharing is so important!
You are very welcome, Dr. Watson. Thank you for reading!
It’s a way of keeping a light shining in the darkness, not letting the fast pace of events obscure the trail of former forms of ‘cancellation’. But then, you understand this deeply, Michael.
A microcosm of a bigger mess that, as near as I can tell, is motivated only by malice and greed. Certainly it doesn’t make sense from any perspective I can access. I’m sorry for everyone’s losses, and hope for a better future.
Like you, the best I can guess is that malice and greed cannot be satiated. Thank you for your hope for a better future, we cannot lose hold of the hope.
Agreed, my dear Zippy.
This all sounds horrible. There is nothing worse than the feeling of uncertainty and not knowing what is going on behind the scenes. Do I have a job? What about my friends and colleagues? Will these projects and people I’m invested in receive the funding they so desperately need? I feel for anyone who has been put through this situation through no fault of their own. It’s not right when humanitarian efforts are canceled without justification.
Thank you, Pete. The uncertainty certainly took a toll, and that lack of explanation or justification leaves so much unresolved. If decision makers were forced to answer why they made cuts to lifesaving programs and why they made a decision that will hurt millions of people, and I mean really answer why (not just a vague political answer), maybe there would have been fewer unnecessary cuts. Or a hint at how future humanitarian efforts can operate. Or at least the true ugliness would be out in the open for everyone to see.
Your earnest response warms my heart, Pete. Thank you for that.
Thank you, Michelle, for having the courage to share your experience, as awful and frustrating as it has been. You and those who worked with you are in my thoughts and prayers. I’m grateful there is a God who knows all.
Thank you for your prayers!
Michelle, I love what you say here: “We don’t spend much time sharing what we do unless explicitly asked, mostly because we love our work but don’t really see the need to market our work.
We love it, and we believe in it, and for us, that is enough.” 🩷
Sadly, in this capitalist, social-media-influenced society, if you don’t market, you don’t exist. Please, don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying USAID should have marketed it’s work. Only that too many people in the US society have a “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. I did see news stories about cuts to USAID, how those cuts would cost lives and livelihoods, but it was too little, too late. All the US regime had to do, as you point out, was talk in large numbers, make people believe that the US was wasting (i.e., spending) huge amounts of money on “others,” on people in foreign countries that seemingly had no connection with the U.S.
What the U.S. spent on USAID was pennies and yet it was possibly the most effective use of funding in the whole budget: Saving lives, educating people to become self-determinate and community-oriented, educating them so that they themselves could become effective stewards of their emerging democracies and their culture, educating people so that they could become independent of our aid.
I don’t know when exactly we lost our way. It didn’t start with Trump. Some say it started with Reagan and the whole “government is the problem” mindset. Indeed, Trump has unleashed a dark side of our nature. I only hope I live long enough to see the U.S. overcome that dark side. So much damage has been done. So many lives lost that will never come back no matter how many mea culpas we profess. But that doesn’t mean we should give up.
Thank you again, Michelle, for sharing your story and your pain. What you share is painful to read, but necessary. 🩷
(My apologies for this long comment. Your mom is probably thinking, there goes Marie up on her soapbox again 🙂)
Aw, Marie – you’re sounding good on that soapbox! 🙂
Thank you 😆🩷
Thank you for sharing one of your “soapbox” comments, Marie. It is true that much of what we are witnessing in this moment is not new or unique to this administration – or at least there was a foundation for what is happening now. With a society that functions on “out of sight, out of mind,” it was easier to get to this point. Yet, as you say, we should not give up. Meanwhile, my colleagues and I need to learn how to share our work. Thank you for being able to name some of the benefits of USAID despite our communication failures 😊
I have to thank The Guardian for their reporting when cuts to USAID were first announced. Before then, I could imagine what y’all did but not point to any facts 🙂 And I’m a bit biased towards these efforts to aid people in other countries: my husband was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ecuador building potable water systems from 1984-1986. He wasn’t my husband then, just someone I was in love with. I visited him in Ecuador for about three weeks. I came away from the visit feeling somewhat envious of his experience.
I wondered if there was a ‘Peace Corps’ connection somewhere in your past…just sayin’…
🙂
Ha ha … I’ve written about my husband’s experience before … well, more like my experience of his experience 🙂 Interestingly, people often seem surprised to learn that Greg and I met and dated BEFORE he went into the Peace Corps. The assumption is only that we met after he came back. Nope. It was on our first date that he told me he had been accepted into the Peace Corps and would be leaving in several months. Nice 😉
Proof positive – peace (corps) does bring people together! 😉
Goodness me, Michelle! It’s ALL shocking, heartbreaking…I’m lost for words. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, what you know and have experienced. It’s a real eye opener!
This means so much, Khaya, thank you. It took a while before I felt comfortable sharing anything about this in a public forum, as my mom can attest. In a strange way, your loss of words is validating.
…and it means a lot to me that you’re keeping up with this series, Khaya, during your vacation time away from blogging…
Sadness and frustration, here.
If only truth, data, and facts were readily available to everyone, right?
Agreed.
ps-I took the liberty of combining your two comments into one.
I’m glad you did. I wanted to leave a comment on your blog and also on your direct post.
So true. I am glad that there are movements to preserve all the data and information that was previously public. Hopefully those movements will strengthen and be successful.
Hear, hear!